The strangest year

The last 12 months have been strange; the constant change, uncertainty and need to adapt to a “new normal” everything few months has left me with the feeling I am trying my best to balance on a seesaw … a seesaw who’s counterweight keeps changing sporadically. Like most I have felt uneasy at times , like many now and then I have felt as if it’s all a little overwhelming. But the world keeps spinning despite chaos, despite my shock and worry the world goes on, and so I too have to keep plodding along.

Despite the world changing events there have been some positive life changing event for us … we moved home, and I started my own business. We have had some amazing luck and haven’t suffered financially because we are both in public jobs. Everyday I look at my little family: the husband and the hound, and recognise how lucky I am . During the scariest storms I have not only a lifeboat, but also the brightest lighthouse guiding me home. I know that we are capable of weathering every storm.

Even with all this good luck and happiness it feel like the world is spinning out of control again and again and I feel like our lives have changed completely not only that – I have changed so much during the last 12 months. I can’t be the only one who feels like a completely different human now?

I have forgotten how to apply makeup – my morning routine for the last 11 months has changed again and again but most definitely dose not involve putting make up on – in fact it’s made me completely re think make up and how often I wear it – my natural face isn’t that bad! I dress for comfort in big bold colours and look forward to cooking (who even am I), I prefer staying in to going out and even enjoy gardening!

I miss my friends and family – I am NOT a people person but the people who are in my inner circle I love, and I miss them – don’t we all miss are friends right now !?. I have however made really solid friendships during covid – or more accurately made solid friendships more solid! One friend sent me doughnuts all the way from London to cheer me up – that’s bloody friendship that is!!! Another friend made sure we had food and milk during our isolation and made sure I got out of my head every now and again. My friends little ones made me laugh even when I was at ready to burst into tears . These are good friends worth keeping. The people who have text me to say they miss my face and I have text them to say I bloody miss them … theses are the important people. My heart literally aches with how much I miss my family – I don’t see them often even pre covid but it’s still important to me and there are some people I haven’t seen for over a year – it makes me sad. Truly sad.

Covid has changed the world and for at least 60 seconds I thought it would change people; make them kinder and more considerate. Alas no. people are still judgmental and accusatory, selfish and stupid. People are horrid … but individual people aren’t. And I have seen lockdown have a positive effect on lots of people so I’m definitely not the only person to be changed by the last years events.  

I miss being able to travel to London, visit coffee shops and new beaches, I miss wondering around town centres and I miss organised races. I miss dog training and going out for breakfast. And I realy realy realy miss swimming. However, I do love that I have become a better cook (thank you hello fresh) that I have started supporting small business rather than spending my hard earned money in Primark and new look or next (don’t get me wrong I still order a little bit online from them) I love the work we have been able to put into our home and the family time we have been able to have.

The forever increasing death toll makes me feel sick and sad. having been very poorly with corona virus and still suffering from what has been dubbed “long covid” I consider myself very lucky. But every time I see that number grow I feel engulfed by the reality of the situation – as time ticked on I had forgotten about the impact on the wider community of covid and those numbers really do bring it home. My grand parents have finally received their vaccinations recently and I could have cried with relief. The vaccine brings them safety but it also brings the hope of normality returning;- I keep using the phrase – “when things are back to normal” – but then I have to remind myself that I don’t know what normality will look like but I hope it involves diving into the swimming pool soon. I hope it involves no more covid deaths and being able to sit in a busy coffee shop and watch the world go by.

We have been living in strange times, I do wonder if we will ever experience normality again . But, We live in hope.

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