Friday thoughts

It’s been a hard few weeks, but I’m finally feeling better: happier, more in control, more capable. How ? Well , therapy, time off , crying, sticking to my boundaries,spending time outside and talking to the ones I love. But I’m finally back on track. There is some lingering self doubt and worry but much less than the last 3 weeks. One of the things I’ve been struggling with is my body image; this always happens when I start doubting myself. In this case the feelings of self doubt were work related but it soon had me feeling ugly, overweight and unfashionable. Like I said this always happens. As soon as I’m feeling low I start hating on myself.

Now I’m feeling more positive about things in general I’m trying to be a-bit kinder to myself , trying to look at my self with kinder eyes. It is hard though. But today I’ve decided I’m going to make an effort to me a-bit nicer to my body. I’m not going to wear any clothes that are tight or uncomfortable, but also I’m not wearing anything that makes me feel frumpy and bland. I’m going to nourish myself with good food and good exercise (this always makes me feel better). After ten years of disordered eating and 6 years of recovery it’s hard not to fall into old habits or restricted eating and purging but good food and a healthy amount of exercise is the best medicine for a shitty day.

I’ve always loved fashion but in until recently I’ve always stuck to clothes that were pretty straightforward and plain.. scared of what people might think or say about me. In the last few years I’ve tried to invest in clothes I love. Now I wouldn’t say I am a fashionable dresser I’m definitely no fashion blogger but I love clothes and how they can make you feel. So I’m also going to indulge my self with one or two purchases that make me feel and look good. When getting them I’m going to do my best to not look at the size I’m buying: I spent my adolescence and early adulthood being told I was fat by people who should have known better so I suppose it’s no surprise I’m sensitive about my weight. Their voices creep into my head when I look in the mirror from time to time, especially when I am feeling low. It’s hard to override those feelings of inadequacy. But alas I do my best.

So hopefully the next few weeks will continue to get better, what do you do to make yourself feel more positive about your body?


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